I was married for decades to a man whose behavior was unethical on many levels. He lied about everything from the serious (he never told me he was married to someone else when he and I co-signed mortgage papers and moved in together) to the trivial (“the grocery store doesn’t have apples today”). When we moved in together, he also had another girlfriend. She confronted him, begging for explanations about why he led her on and then abruptly abandoned her. Not long after he told me, somewhat vaguely, about her visit, he went to her funeral. She had committed suicide.
His behavior toward me through the years was a combination of putting me down and building himself up. It was often so extreme that I questioned my own perceptions of it. I was naïvely conscientious and dependent, which dovetailed with his superior stance and making decisions to his own advantage — from money management to where we lived to future plans, and so on. He gave me a black eye when I was pregnant and intimidated me in other less overt ways. During the last years of our married life, his passive-aggressive behavior (e.g., total silence when I addressed him) became worse and worse. At one point he “accidentally” forwarded me emails he’d exchanged with his therapist in which he spoke of me disparagingly while telling me to my face how much he cared for me. His behavior became so hurtful that even with my crazy hopes of the relationship surviving, I sought a divorce.
After the divorce he moved thousands of miles away and quickly became involved with a new girlfriend. When he told me about the girlfriend, he asked me to get in touch only if there was an emergency involving our grown daughter. After our divorce he began texting, emailing and calling our daughter. She is taken with having an interested father for the first time in her life. I see this as manipulative behavior; I believe that he doesn’t actually care about her and is only ensuring her loyalty in case he needs it in the future.
Until I sought a divorce I did not reveal the extent of my ex’s behavior within the marriage. Our daughter tells me now that she doesn’t want to know any of the reasons I sought a divorce, nor any of the things he did within the marriage that show him in a poor light. She says that he is the only father she has and that no matter what my own relationship with him was, hers is different. I have struggled not only with my inability to leave a marriage that was so diminishing of me, but also with being immediately replaced after having stuck it out for so long. In trying to understand his behavior I found that he fits the definition of a covert narcissist — the outwardly quiet gentleman who is entitled and exploitative and lacks empathy. Both my daughter and I fit the profile of the empathetic person narcissists use.
Should I tell her about her father’s unethical behaviors anyway? Or should I keep silent as she requests? I feel protective of her and complicit for having kept her father’s behavior from her when she was a child. I assume that he will lie to her in the future, but as their relationship is fundamentally different, how much does this matter? I am even feeling protective of his new girlfriend. Name Withheld
It is sad how many people are manipulated into staying in abusive relationships, and I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. Your daughter is right: he’s the only father she has and her relationship with him is different from yours. But if your account of his behavior is accurate, you’re right, too — there’s reason for concern that someone as damaged as he is could play a destructive role in her life. So you do have good reason to warn her.
You simply need to be very clear, in your own mind, that your interest is in protecting her and not in punishing him. (The prospect that he might secure her loyalty doesn’t in itself amount to a threat to her well-being.) Still, she’s very likely to interpret your advice as the grievances of a resentful ex, and you may not be able to get her to accept your view. You might make an attempt to explain, in more or less the terms you’ve explained things to me, why you’re worried for her.
Your ex’s ability to harm an adult daughter is, of course, more limited than the threat he poses to a new partner. Your last sentence suggests you might be thinking about telling the new girlfriend about how he behaved with you and about the girlfriend who committed suicide. The fact that he injured you when you were pregnant suggests that she risks physical as well as emotional abuse. You’d rightly be upset to discover that she was seriously harmed if you hadn’t tried to warn her. The worry again is that she won’t believe you, unless she has seen some of the signs already. But there’s a reasonable chance that he has already revealed some of his narcissism, and that she will be able to see your advice in the light of it. So go ahead and write her, if you can. Be as factual and as precise as you’re able to — I’d avoid using psychiatric language, unless you have the qualifications necessary to apply it. Just be prepared for the likelihood that he’ll see whatever you write, and will say whatever he can to discredit you.
We are owners of one unit of a self-managed small condo building. For many years the building’s owners have lived harmoniously, often working together on common projects. This has recently changed. Several units have been turned into Airbnbs, with streams of strangers coming and going. It is doubtful that the city knows anything of this, and we wonder if it is even legal since owners are not always in residence. The quandary is this: Since we are but a small group of owners and must see and deal with each other, is it wise or even ethical to report this to the city? Name Withheld
There are two separate issues here. The first is whether your condo mates are compliant with the rules of your building and the relevant legal statutes. If the condo’s rules allow you to restrict such uses of the property, you can raise the matter at a condo meeting. Confer with the local authorities, or a lawyer with the pertinent expertise, to learn what the laws are. You can then decide whether you have evidence that they’re breaking them. If your preliminary inquiries suggest that your condo mates are in violation, take it up with the condo board. The board can make sure that your fellow owners are in compliance; it won’t want them engaging in breaches for which the condo could be liable.
The second issue — the core one — is your relationship with these other owners. You say that it has been good in a neighborly way for many years. Surely you could rely on this solid basis to point out to them that, whether or not what they’re doing is legal, it’s disturbing you, and you’d hope they would reconsider these Airbnb rentals, or at least limit them and make sure the renters understand their obligations as temporary neighbors as well.
You’re clearly worried that approaching them in any of these ways would damage your relationships. But they’ve already begun to do that. And if you don’t tell them what you’re experiencing, you can’t blame them for not being more considerate.
My mother is dying of a rare, aggressive form of cancer and was recently told she has less than a year to live. We are very close, and I’m concerned about taking a 10-day international vacation. If she really is gone in less than a year, will I always regret taking that 10 days away from her? Will I even be able to enjoy myself, or will I be racked with guilt?
My mom has said that she wants everyone to continue living their lives and not to make any big changes or cancel plans. I initially thought it would be best to postpone the trip until next year, but she keeps saying that she could live longer and it’s silly to plan as if she has an expiration date. What do I do? Name Withheld
I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s cancer, and I admire the fact you’ve decided to help her have the best final year of her life that’s possible. What’s more, your emotions don’t come with toggle switches: nobody can instruct you on how to feel. I’d think that the decision you reach will be affected by whether you think your mother has months or merely days remaining; you’ll want to be there to say goodbye. Completely disregarding her desire that you get on with normal life, however, could well leave her experiencing a burden of guilt. If you really won’t enjoy the holiday, there’s no point to the trip, but it can be hard to forecast our own state of mind. Just as you want the best for her, she wants the best for you. In this dark season, try to bear in mind that sometimes accepting kindness is itself a kindness.B:
2019刘伯温三肖期期免费【清】【晨】【的】【莫】【山】【城】【笼】【罩】【在】【朝】【阳】【的】【灿】【烂】【中】，【勃】【发】【生】【机】。【青】【石】【巷】【的】【妇】【人】【们】【已】【经】【早】【早】【用】【了】【朝】【食】，【开】【始】【了】【忙】【碌】【的】【一】【天】。 【一】【位】【出】【门】【买】【东】【西】【回】【来】【的】【邻】【家】【妇】【人】【正】【好】【看】【见】【坐】【在】【自】【家】【门】【外】【的】【小】【孩】【儿】，【那】【孩】【子】【身】【上】【虽】【然】【穿】【的】【破】【破】【烂】【烂】【的】，【却】【洗】【得】【干】【净】。 “【钊】【哥】【儿】，【你】【怎】【么】【坐】【在】【这】【里】，【你】【婶】【娘】【又】【不】【给】【你】【饭】【吃】？【快】【跟】【我】【进】【来】，【婶】【子】【给】【你】【拿】【个】【炊】【饼】
“【轰】！” 【天】【空】【中】，【两】【道】【身】【影】【连】【连】【碰】【撞】，【激】【发】【出】【一】【圈】【圈】【猛】【烈】【的】【震】【荡】【波】【动】，【轰】【鸣】【不】【断】，【整】【片】【空】【间】【都】【似】【乎】【随】【时】【要】【坍】【塌】【崩】【溃】【的】【样】【子】，【万】【物】【惊】【颤】。 “【太】【弱】【了】……【我】【还】【是】【太】【弱】【了】……” 【残】【破】【的】【山】【体】【中】，【碎】【裂】【的】【岩】【石】【间】，【一】【具】【扭】【曲】【的】【身】【体】【正】【躺】【在】【里】【面】，【没】【有】【别】【人】，【正】【是】【被】【假】【万】【烈】【重】【创】【的】【莫】【归】【尘】，【此】【刻】【的】【他】【脖】【子】【呈】【九】【十】【度】【弯】【曲】
【到】【了】【现】【在】，【这】【个】【项】【目】【的】【研】【究】【已】【经】【不】【再】【是】【她】【一】【个】【人】【的】【问】【题】，【如】【果】【现】【在】【放】【弃】，【前】【期】【的】【投】【入】【只】【能】【换】【成】【世】【俗】【货】【币】，【那】【可】【就】【彻】【底】【把】【现】【在】【剩】【下】【的】【那】【六】【个】【共】【同】【经】【历】【风】【风】【雨】【雨】【的】【老】【朋】【友】【给】【坑】【了】【啊】。 【到】【了】【今】【天】，【可】【以】【说】【她】【现】【在】【所】【有】【的】【希】【望】【都】【压】【在】【了】【李】【杨】【的】【身】【上】。 【李】【杨】【听】【完】【盛】【莉】【莉】【的】【讲】【述】，【不】【由】【笑】【了】【起】【来】。 “【我】【喜】【欢】【你】【的】【真】【诚】，【别】
“【楚】【先】【生】【很】【想】【知】【道】【吗】？【你】【若】【是】【答】【应】【跟】【我】【们】【合】【作】，【或】【许】【我】【可】【以】【告】【诉】【你】”【山】【田】【眉】【头】【一】【挑】，【微】【微】【一】【笑】。 【纵】【使】【刚】【才】【那】【般】【动】【静】，【他】【脸】【上】【依】【旧】【不】【见】【丝】【毫】【惧】【意】，【还】【是】【一】【副】【胸】【有】【成】【竹】【的】【模】【样】。 【闻】【言】，【楚】【怀】【香】【摇】【头】【淡】【笑】，【抬】【头】【盯】【着】【他】【的】【眸】【子】“【其】【实】【有】【时】【候】【我】【真】【的】【很】【佩】【服】【你】【们】” “【哦】？【楚】【先】【生】【这】【话】【何】【意】？”【山】【田】【闻】【言】【一】【笑】。 “2019刘伯温三肖期期免费【视】【线】【回】【到】【德】【甲】，【拜】【仁】【本】【轮】【远】【赴】【客】【场】【挑】【战】【排】【名】【第】【八】【的】【云】【达】【不】【莱】【梅】。 【为】【了】【即】【将】【来】【临】【的】【欧】【冠】【半】【决】【赛】【与】【皇】【马】【的】【第】【二】【回】【合】【比】【赛】，【海】【因】【克】【斯】【对】【阵】【容】【进】【行】【了】【一】【定】【的】【调】【整】，【进】【行】【了】【大】【部】【分】【主】【力】【的】【轮】【换】。 【罗】【本】、【里】【贝】【里】、【克】【罗】【斯】、【拉】【姆】、【古】【斯】【塔】【沃】【等】【人】【坐】【在】【板】【凳】【上】。 【比】【赛】【在】【二】【十】【一】【日】【晚】【上】【八】【点】【进】【行】。 【上】【半】【场】【双】【方】【互】【交】【白】【卷】，
【第】【三】【百】【七】【十】【章】 【对】【于】【割】【喉】【者】，【齐】【小】【年】【可】【是】【没】【什】【么】【好】【印】【象】【的】，【毕】【竟】【他】【第】【一】【次】【得】【知】【这】【个】【名】【字】【的】【时】【候】，【就】【是】【在】【他】【去】【自】【由】【阵】【线】【大】【楼】【的】【时】【候】，【那】【会】【儿】【刚】【好】【遇】【到】【了】【凶】【杀】【事】【件】，【被】【袭】【击】【的】【都】【是】【灵】【能】【者】，【而】【凶】【手】【就】【是】【这】【个】【被】【称】【作】【割】【喉】【者】，【但】【并】【不】【知】【道】【他】【的】【真】【实】【名】【字】，【甚】【至】【没】【有】【人】【见】【过】【他】【的】【真】【面】【目】。 【而】【且】【让】【齐】【小】【年】【印】【象】【更】【加】【深】【刻】【的】【时】【候】
【然】【后】【龙】【梵】【的】【脸】【也】【黑】【了】。 【现】【在】【不】【止】【兽】【人】【们】【对】【她】【的】【占】【有】【欲】【强】【烈】，【她】【的】【也】【是】【同】【样】【的】，【自】【己】【的】【男】【人】【怎】【么】【容】【得】【下】【别】【人】【觊】【觎】！ 【龙】【梵】【把】【刀】【往】【板】【子】【上】【一】【剁】：“【我】【倒】【要】【看】【看】【什】【么】【人】【觊】【觎】【我】【的】【男】【人】！” 【虽】【然】【是】【一】【副】【凶】【相】，【但】【是】【怎】【么】【看】【怎】【么】【可】【爱】，【西】【瑞】【尔】【没】【忍】【住】【亲】【了】【她】【一】【记】。 【龙】【梵】【刚】【被】【酝】【酿】【好】【的】【情】【绪】【就】【被】【这】【一】【吻】【给】【打】【散】【了】，【掐】【着】